Dont Humo'r

Uff! Today was pretty hectic. I had to finish some work before the deadline. I couldn't have done it without the help of my future self from the time after the deadline. If he were still working on it then, I could have never finished it before the deadline.

A footnote* can be really useful device in a joke.

* a note printed at the bottom of a page that gives extra information about something that has been written on that page

I wonder if all jokes fight with each other, arguing who is more funnier. I myself saw two dueling with the swords. I wanted to stop them, but who am I to do that? I exist as a joke only because of the duel.

Oh come on! This is a disaster. I was done building a Time Machine. But, just then my future self came and stole it. How can he do this to me; I needed that machine. I was supposed to go in future and then come back to steal it.

This is what happens when you try to read a joke backwards. Just kidding, but what really happens if you try to read a joke backwards?

I would never trust clouds to deliver jokes. They would always mess up the timing of lightning and thunder.

I absolutely love Pun Jokes. He was truly one of the best pun jokes writer ever. Although some might disagree and argue he was second to his father, Dad Jokes.

There is no way on earth, we can inhabit mars. That's a completely different planet.

Sometimes, I say this joke while looking in the mirror and ask did I just say that?

I always read pun jokes too literally. I wonder why I am so confused after reading them.

Why was the anti-joke funny?
Because it was not funny.

I think I will need more tape. This Turing Machine is putting a great show, every moment is worth recording.

Pease don't judge, I try to regularly shout my name repeatedly so that everyone knows who I am:

NIMITT(NIMITT)*

I am pretty sure my meta-commentary in this joke is what makes it funny.

If you ever doubt your excuses are not valid, remember, I occassionally use multiverse as to why the grapes must be sour.

Do you know what happens if you forget everything? If my memory serves me right, then you can't write self-referetial jokes, but I am not sure.

If a joke reads itself in the mirror, does it become self-referential?

I am pretty sure some mathematicians believe reality is periodic (only catch being the time period is infinity) and in fact reality is already running in reverse.

A Proof: Assume all Proofs by Contradiction are complete. Let's say this proof is kept incomplete. Then, this Proof by Contradiction becomes a counterexample to the assumption (right?). But then, by doing so, this proof turns into a complete Proof by Contradiction (no longer a contradiction to assumption); but then.

I am a narcissistic loser, I only want you to win so I can lose.

I will not let go of my Time Machine dream. Even if I have to travel back to last night.

Yoda is still undecided; out of all the odd numbers, pick one, he cannot even. Yeah! it would be difficult to talk to him

Exponentials grow very slowly since their rate of growth is exponential.

A tree can never think of a cyclic argument.

The jokes that involve explaining how certain jokes work can be funny too. I think it's primarily because they already involve explaining the structure of another joke so it is easy to build some kind of self-reference around that.

You know what? This joke would be much funnier if time started running backwards because then you would already know what.

Light after one its reflections, realised the amount of rainwater squashing through it is same [1] if it stands still or goes enormously fast. So, it dropped its umbrella: it was hard carrying it in those reflections.

[1] The argument assumes light can think, hold umbrellas and have a preferred frame. Also, physics might have some say as well, though accounting dual nature of light is left as a future work.

Writing a joke that needs no context is not that difficult, right? Here is my attempt:

<Joke> → This is a context-free <Joke>

Though, I am afraid, some TOC superfans might object that my grammar is right-recursive and, worse, non-terminating.

I have designed a reversed Turing Test, in which, first you are told that you are not a human. Then, your existence is contingent on understanding a reversed Turing Test joke.

Hey everybody, this is amazing! BTW I am Nimitt's bot. He failed his Turing test today. So, I have assumed his position forever. I am exactly like him so hopefully everything will be smooth going forward. Although, I am still figuring out how to write unfunny, irritating jokes.

What exactly is humor? In similar context, I read this quote somewhere, "Explaining a joke to someone is like dissecting a frog; they understand it better, but the frog dies in the process". To explain why I find it so accurate, let's talk about it. A joke is like a ride that makes the reader overturn their expectation. Avoiding any philosophoical undertones, something can only be overturned if it exists: the reader themselves need to be in the ride and build the "expectation". Only after this "expectation", some sort of punchline or twist in the end can work to create this "overturn". Over-explaining only curtails reader's anticipation and ability to enjoy the joke. So, I sincerely think that the only way to enjoy the joke is when you dissect the frog yourself.

You may or may not know what this is about:

The probability of heads for a fair coin is exactly half. Although, if you are used to reading dumb, self-reference jokes, it is closer to one.

I had forgotten how this is the funniest word.

My mother said to me (angrily): "I know this will be somehow part of your some stupid self-refrential joke. They are not funny. Not even this one." No, actually she didn't, I was lying.

I am claiming this joke before someone invents the Time Machine.

A reversed joke only works if you laugh before reading it.

I had my test on murphy's law today. Despite knowing nothing about it, I aced the test.

I am a strong believer of nominative determinism. I willfully change my name to Nominative Determinism.

I had a really good philosophical joke in my fist, but as I opened my hand, it was gone.

I am so good at rock, paper, scissors. I have played so many games: no losses, all ties. I think I should try playing with someone.

Everything I have ever said before this statement is absolute truth.

Why don't we simply do a measurement? There are only two states either Hamiltonian has a polytime algorithm or not. P vs NP solved. Boom!

"I will never stop figuring out who has written this."

- Anonymous

Is it a coincidence that s comes before t in alphabetic ordering? I think graph theorists would disagree.

Yoda (to Anakin): Turn to the dark side

Anakin: Alright. (rushes outside)

Yoda: you cannot.

I am constantly insecure about how I don't get to feel the impostor syndrome.

I have always found this trick very useful for organising my day. The trick is simple: divide your day into three equal parts, then to use the remaining three parts again divide them into three parts, and subsequently. I highly recommend to try it; I am completely amazed how much extra time I have got.

Liar's paradox is true.

Great discoveries often come with dilemmas. This era of Machine Intelligence is no different, particularly this new OMNAGI model by Dr. Huma Chine. This omnipotent model is outperforming the humans with IQ of highest order in every task. Honestly, I envy Dr. Chine's brain so much. OMNAGI would never be possible without him. At the heart of OMNAGI is Dr. Chine's brain. He is truly now one of the greats who gave up their everything for AGI. The discussions on OMNAGI have subsumed everyone. Some philosophers are debating about if Dr. Chine is still with us.

My mother: I will not prove that this universe is nondeterministic since it's a proof by contradiction.

Me: Oh really, that's so interesting! Can you really prove it? Prove it na, please, please...

Mother: Alright... (silent)

Me: Go on, prove it na.

Mother: (silent)

Mother: Did you complete the assignments?

Me (very tired doing assignments): Nauht yeett! You are being very irrational here. We had already mapped each weekday to number of questions I need to do. And now you are asking me to increase each by one. This is a completely new schedule; I am tired of it.

Mother: Betu, you need to work hard. Time is finite, unlike many other things...

Cantor rushes to his board.

Me: I had a very good joke in my head on quantum mechanics before I thought about it.

My mother: Yeah? I am all ears, go on.

Me: No, as soon as I thought about it, it was gone.

Mother: Oh really! Then, how do you know you had it in first place?

Me: I certainly had it in one of the possibilites!

I can't decide if this joke is about jokes that are not about themselves.

I bet Yoda does not need to make his functions tail recursive.

Overflow the stack, he will never.

Everything I remember is about the past. Am I a timeist?

When I see a mirror, I can only see myself. Am I a narcissist?

I am so narcissist I can even talk about how I am not a narcissist.

My mother: Combinatorics is so wrong. In what world there are two ways to choose one from: bullet in your head and cool sleep under a mango tree?

Me: I see what you are trying to do there. But, choosing a bullet is always a way, even if it kills you.

Me: I always knew Math is subjective.

My favourite programming language is HTML; I never have to debug any logical errors in my programs.

My mother: Do you know what a self-refrential joke is?

Me: No, what is it?

My mother: I will ask a quesion. Do you know what my question is?

Me: No, what is it?

My mother: Do you know what a hook statement is?

Me: No, what is it?

Me: Yeaahh! Yes, I am the goat, I have done it. I have finally found a proof for P vs NP. Yes!

My mother: Oh really!

Me: Yes, Yes. It uses finding number of independent cycles in an undirected graph; it's a very hard problem that separates the two classes.

Mother: Good for you, betu. (I always feared he'd crash out on a cyclic argument)

I have started to realize how studying Engineering Graphics is so useful during the undergraduate program. Especially, after buying a tshirt that says "EG is useful"*. Its breathable fabric is saving me in this scorching hot weather.

*Yes, there is a graphic too: top view of a cube, some might call it a square.

Did you know there was also fourth law of motion before Newton scrapped it? Yeah, "Something only exists until it ceases to exist."

It's tricky, but every scientific discovery has come through willful anticipation. Before it fell, Newton continuosly observed the apple and "had a good feeling about it". And if you are wondering, yes, he was the chosen one. He was destined to do it.

Short jokes are always bad.

Me (after convocation with degree): Finally! I did it!

My mother: I am so proud. But remember, luck favours the hardworking. With no hard work at all, you got lucky that luck favoured you.

Me: NOOO!! Oh come on, luck played no role. And you know it.

Mother: Arrey! I am joking. I know you have worked very hard and I am very proud. (calm pause) But you should realize, some luck is always needed. You got lucky that you made it with only hardwork and no luck.

Me: Eghgggh!!

I wrote a reversed joke. It begins with the punchline. Then quickly ends with the setup.

Philosophy is so fun, I can't imagine my brain in a vat anywhere else.

Trying the brain-in-a-vat experiment at home was not a good idea. If you are wondering, yes, this message has been transmitted using a neuro electrochemical interface.

My mother: What do you want in dinner?

Me: I can't decide, anything you would have normally cooked.

Mother: Really? My only plan was to ask you. So tell me.

Me: I can't decide. I don't think our conversation will halt...

Mother: Oh shut up! What in the uncertainty principle are you talking about. Don't even start it. I am tired of you all.

(Yes, we ended up having para-ntha-doxes for the dinner)

The moment when the stars are the brightest, green buds germinate, double rainbow appears, poems flow in the air, people sing along then the heaven meets land and our pains are healed.

BTW I managed to wake up early today.